I have said many hurtful things in desperation of frustration with her. Hi Ro, thank you for sharing your story. And maybe he is, I do find myself calling him if I have a flat, or if my daughter needs something, or even if my account gets low and I need a few dollars to make sure it doesnt get into the negative. But I just feel so gulity because Im going to break up with my boyfriend partner of 17years and the bottom line is Paul loves me and i am so scared not too leave him because I know I dont love him anymore we are more like room mates but he would disagree with that i will make him cry and I do dread what he would do without me in his life. Recently I had another man contacted through social media that I used to date at a couple times throughout my life before my husband. Hes in his late 20s just married and he told me after our meeting he would replay in his mind my eyes and my voice. I dont have the heart to tell me husband to leave. After about 9 months I realized I had really deep feelings for her, at 12 months I confessed them to her. . com for hes a GOD on earth. But Im just so freaking unhappy, and I cant explain it very well to others. Since marriage I never loved my husband. Has this caused continuous problems? Im just missing a connection, long talks, deep conversations, good sex, talking about problems, etc. I dont want to hurt him and Im very scared I will be unhappy with the choice I made. And so much attached that i have lost interest in making any intimate or physical relation with my wife. I know nothing about this woman..not her name how she looks..nothingand there is no way I would ever have any sort of relationship with her because she knew he was married and still pursued him and broke my family apart. of having a relationship with someone who is not your husband, then there is a deeper Hi, I love your article. I dont even know what I want in my life to make me happy. In order to become a good listener, you have to really care about what your partner is saying. The best thing would be to limit the amount of contact you have with your childs father. This is probably not the first thing that would come to mind; however, it is a point worth visiting. Hes 62 years of age and has had emotional affairs, Recently, he has fallen in love with a psychotherapist from England. In this situation, youre going to need to focus on the positives in your relationship. Which I didnt want but I didnt want to keep fighting anymore and being told horrible things. Dont make the mistake of spending all your free time on social media, interacting with your Friends on Facebook or Instagram instead of with your significant other. Prior to meeting my husband almost 6 years ago, I was in a very hot/cold relationship with someone for 7 years. I feel a strong sense of responsibility to my family to keep them safe and secure but horribly guilty for my feelings. So my question is: is it okay to go and try to mend the marriage and it still not work? Ny feelings are all over the place right now and even though I know what I really want to do which is be with her I dont want to hurt my wife but at the same time Im tired of living my life for everyone else and I want to do something that I want to do for a change in my life and what I think is best for me. I tell my wife and myself I dont still love her, but if I was honest with myself, I sometimes think I do and miss her. I am so torn, as I love both my ex and my husband, but I dont know what to do. But we are not at one page at all. Been married for over 20 years and now I made an emotional connection with a guy from 25 years ago. We are so extremely busy in this and age with our jobs, our responsibilities, our social lives, etc., but it becomes dangerously easy to neglect our romantic relationships. If you choose to pursue a relationship with the person youve been having an affair with, how is that going to affect their life positively and how is that going to affect their life negatively? Be careful with how much you allow, because you are in essense teaching someone how they can treat you. Lying and lying and lying and then speaking about getting married by church. Almost the same situation as you. Your husband wants to cheat on you. Yourself or the kids? Is my relationship over: Heres how to know for sure! I decided at that point after a 2hr pnico/anxiety attack that I couldnt take it anymore. When you're trying to figure out how to tell if a girl is lying about sleeping with someone, your paranoia and desperation might make you take drastic steps. He has bisexual fantasies. We are here to help you if you would like to reach out to us, you can just click here. I cannot live without texting and hearing from him. I am ready to change that. We have an 18 year old. This is where communication comes into play so that the two spouses can determine the best environment for their children. If you determine that hes not going to change and you are not going to be happy, its time to think about exiting the marriage. Every single marriage is unique and has its own intricacies, and by working together we can pinpoint the exact problems and define concrete solutions to help you reach your goal. I have been married for 39 years. I just dont know what to do anymore and the other guy has disappeared. But Im scared of leaving my husband just because Im human and have feelings so I would not want to hurt him even though he has hurt me a lot. So now Im stuck in a marriage I hate. You can feel paralyzed by the prospect of having to choose one person. My situation goes like this. This probably comes as no surprise but if youre serious about restoring and repairing your relationship with your husband or your wife, youve got to cut things off with the other man or woman. Others have chosen toput their marriage back together, and have been very happy. To work with us, you can click here. You want to make sure that you can highlight the positives and make sure that you both get excited about your relationship again. thoughts??? Incidentally, hes also married. Yet our relationship lacks the butterflies-in-our-stomach-feelings, you usually have, when you fall in love. And doesnt like my suggestions, it makes him feel uncomfortable. You can never force it, but once it arrives and settles in, you need to actively preserve it if you dont want it to go anywhere. Unfortunately your husband is displaying the red flags of already having started an affair. He has a zest to display his manly side. But i fell in love with this guy. However in their situation yes like the begining of every relationship its the honeymoon time but their relationship is so real that the honeymoon period lasted about two months they talk about everything with each other thats bothering them about their relationship wether it would hurt or not. I dont let him touch me. People can sometimes wind up in very tricky situations with complex emotions, and it can be very hard to determine how exactly to react. So, what should you do? It can be a way of relieving some of the . Ask her if you can be present just to watch her. Please check out the National Domestic Violence Hotline. I will tell you right off the bat that I cannot make this decision for you. Dear Happily Committed. But when life is forced to start and plans will have to be made with this girl He will see how our marriage was good. My heart was on flame for this man that helped me for my husband. I moved my children to Florida with their grandparents and told him I was done with the relationship that he needed to figure out what he wanted to do. We also have a 2 year old. To download it, you can click here. Thanks for writing this article. One in a very unhappy marriage and the other in a stale marriage but they still communicate. You can definitely see your expertise within the paintings you write. By the 4th month of being away on business month I told my spouse i couldnt keep lying to myself or to him that I wanted a divorce and I was completely over this relationship. However, were Christians and so it feels like we have to try. I have been happily married for 21 years. We have always had what I thought was a good relationship. I'm married, contacted ex after 15 years and still in love with him. Now that we have gotten past the potential legal matters and the possible motives, lets think about the moral and social dilemma. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. Manage Settings My situation is a little different. Its been a year since then. This article will provide you with tools for analyzing your feelings and getting a better idea of what you truly want, and then I will explain some tools to help you reach your goal and be truly happy in love. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. We can provide you with powerful tools and techniques alongside a detailed action plan so that you know what approach to use in each specific phase. 0. You can make your life what you want it to be, with whoever you want it to be with. I hate being in this place emotionally. It feels like my marriage is done, and we are just married for 1 year. Acts of service are things that your spouse would really like you to do. There are many factors at play here, so please dont hesitate to reach out to us for one on one coaching so that we can ask you specific questions and define a custom action plan for you. When you arein love with another manor woman who is not your spouse, is important to look at how this happened. I highly encourage you to spend as much time with your parents and surround yourself with people that love and support you as you begin to exit this relationship. Last night, i told him i have to get off for a while with my online life since the hubby is coming home to stay for a week before he leaves again. I cringe at the thought of my husband touching me, but we have had some good times in bed but not many. Or a close crossover? I dont talk to the guy i met online coz i dont want it to be used against me. So when Im feeling bad I often feel alone, I cant really talk about it with him. This drives me crazy! Ive read a lot of books etc and am trying but with zero encouragement from him and no interest. You still feel a form of love and attachment to your spouse (otherwise you might not be reading this article right now), but at the same time you are drawn to this new person. Yes, but sixteen-years of being more of a roommate than a spouse has serious consequences to the relationship. But during the time of coronavirus my close friend and I have spent a lot more time together. Maybe it will save more heartache and finances down the line. So talk about your husband or wifes interests with them. Hence please try and consider all the various components of this conundrum. I know Im a bit kinky so I tried to suggest soft things. Once things got extremely out of hand he decided he didnt want anything to do with me or our child. He tells me I don't know what it's like to have only been with one person and there's no way that I can understand what he's feeling. Through talking to him Ive come to realize that Ive been hiding all the problems Ive had with my husband. I feel like if i leave my husband Im using his past as an excuse but I feel that no one should have gone through what I have and to this day I have no idea if he is just hiding that he is going out on me again. From then on, things went downhill. So what advice can I give you? Though you have to be in contact with him, you can still make sure that you arent texting or interacting with him when you dont need to be. We shared our feelings of late a year ago what we have been feeling and missing for more than a decade now. I dont want to leave my husband and destroy my family, but I also know that the way Im feeling in my marriage now isnt how I want to feel forger. This type of thing does not happen out of the blue. Wishing you all the very best! I have even offered marriage counseling and he thinks its a waste. We dont argue, we dont dislike one another, but I am not getting what I need from him. We are together baby is here now. I stopped communicating with my ex immediately i got engaged nd only started speaking with him on phone last year 2019. But then again, if she decides to save our marriage, do I know, that she really is happy with her decision? I want the marriage to work because of all the financial implications and I still care for him. And I keep thinking about the other person. That was 7 years ago and now we are married with a two-year-old." 2. I didnt know what more I could do as a husband. My marriage has its problems, but overall, my husband is wonderful. I just dont care about anything any more. In order to keep the peace I had to lie and say that I would stick around and I sent him videos to encourage him to get help and see someone for therapy. Its my downfall to try to take care of everyone and make sure everyone is happy. Are you enabling him? The result is that the more exhausted you become, the harder it is to see things clearly. If you actively choose your partner every single day, it becomes easier and easier to cut ties with your lover. Why My Husband & I Sometimes Have Sex With Other People. We got back to a really nice comfortable place but he doesnt seem to want to put in the effort. It could be that she simply wants to have an affair with another man, but does not want the hindrance of potentially getting caught out. I have been married for 17 year and my wife is a lovely lady. I am torn whether i stay in a marriage and be happy but not in love or do i go to the other man who i have fallen deeply in love with? When your husband expresses the wish to sleep with other women, you should say no and work on your marriage if you want to stay in it. This term is used for a married woman who sleeps with other men with her husband's consent. Hi: Ive been married for 25 years, very unhappy for the past 17 years. So as I said, the key to making the right decision is weighing out the long-term consequences. If, however, in your heart of hearts you feel ready to move on, I encourage you to download our product that is designed to show you how to do this with grace and peace of mind. It was an arranged marriage. "I see. It's not unnatural to love your boyfriend but think about sleeping with someone else. We have 6 kids together and they have expressed that they want their dad as well; however, the older ones express anger about his choices even though they want him home. I could easily have sex multiple times a day. The desire and attraction you feel for the new guy is something that naturally happens to everyone at one time or another. Hi there, it is always best to take some time to yourself to heal after a separation. ], Should a Working Dad Get Up With Baby? If you would like help through this challenging situation, please reach out to us for coaching by clicking here. Im together with my husband for 9 years and we are married for 1 year. Hi Sagittarius, first of all, your English is great! Your coach when you are in love with someone who is not your spouse. Please dont hesitate to reach out to us for one on one coaching if you would like our help. And can I forgive her? However regardless of the situation I think the point remains, you either want your marriage to work or you dont. We decided to have a second child and almost two years ago, our daughter was born, we married and moved into a bigger house and out of the city far out, with only fields and forest around us, like we dreamt of, when we were making Plans for our future life together. Please respond back with an answer. married but want to sleep with someone elsepressman games customer service Enero 26, 2022 . He said the reason he never pursued me is because he had to work on himself first and that if we had dated, he would have hurt me so badly that he chose to stay away. This period is temporary! Why Doesnt My Father Love Me? First, you need to get clear on what your partner wants. Last week, she decided to leave me, only to already regret it after one night we spent in separate bedrooms and ask for a little more time Im scared of what my family will react, my family includes our children, my brother and sister and the rest of my moms brothers and sisters. Yelling at me calling me names in front of them. There have been fights and tensions, and it becomes easy for someone to let go of the love that used to exist. You have to take a step back and really think about the long-term effects on every person involved in the situation. but I have different concept. The thing is, I dont talk to others about the issues I have with him. Obviously, you have some reservations on this topic, and it is evidently bothering you to some degree. You can have an honest conversation with this person and tell them that you have chosen to save your marriage, so the affair and contact must end. You are currently in an abusive relationship and there is help available. Do you have suggestions to help get over those feelings since I cant cut him out? I'm very sorry you find yourself in this situation. You need to check the relationship barometer. Both seem to be very intune completely and very in love with each other. I dont agree with only doing it for the children. I told him, the respect is there, but the love has long been gone. We have been married for 16 years and have 2 kids. Please dont hesitate to reach out to us for coaching so that we can ask you targetted questions that can help identify the right solution for your situation. I cheat on my husband and became pregnant. I know this will affect my children, family and friends but everyday I think about the other girl. But at the same time inside I feel ruined because I miss her and I wonder what if. I have become so numb to the situation that sometimes I do believe the things he says. I need physical touch, words of affirmation, and my Husband is the complete opposite. When you purchase through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission, which supports our community. I have been married for almost 7 years now and I have a beautiful 4 year old daughter. Ive never quite been able to pinpoint what has been the disconnect in our marriage and frankly, never had time to think about it as I was on autopilot flying by the seat of my pants raising kids. Please help. I am at the point where i dont wanna try anymore. Also, wanting variety doesn't mean you don't love the person you do. He also has not been home to see the kids in 6 months. I dont think hes ever cheated because I get the vibe that he feels like he can get away with whatever since has never cheats. I want more. In that case, you may want to seek marriage counseling. I dont know what to do anymore. Thanks for the post and participation. 3. I have known that my marriage was struggling for quite some time now (at least 2 years). Im scared to tell the hubby i want to end our marriage for some time now. Encourage your spouse to talk about themselves what they like, what they feel, what they need And actively work on being a good listener. If you would be interested in learning more about healthy communication techniques, I encourage you to read this article If youre not happy with your spouse and you tried everything to make it work, then who are you fooling? I need help. There is no doubt about it, this is a pretty sticky situation. Though new love is always so tempting. Help! Any guidance would be much appreciated. JavaScript is disabled. Also to add, i never had any abusive relation with my wife, we still have very good time, laugh and care for each other, just that i have lost interest in physical relation with her. If that is the case, then it will be easier for you to find Right before I left my spouse threw a huge tantrum where he was punching Walls and he jumped out the car while I was driving. I wanted to kiss him and I didnt care that I was married or that he was newly married. It can damage your well-being AND the new relationship. He doesnt travel much anymore and Im home with him and the kids and I am seeing that I dont like who Im married to. They went to school together in Africa and she initiated contact with him. While chatting back and forth, my X fianc and i had never stopped loving each other. Once again, its all about seeking clarity! Married, But Constantly Thinking About Someone Else There are four options if you find yourself thinking of someone else and are debating about or have already had an affair: End the affair with that other woman or man, and fix things with your marriage Stay in your marriage while continuing a relationship with that someone The important thing to keep in mind is that if you remain in a marriage just to keep the other person happy, you are also preventing them from eventually being with someone who truly wants to be with them. To work with us, just click here. Because it is a complex situation, I recommend reaching out to us for one on one coaching. I feel things that I never thought I could feel again. A handwritten letter is always a good way to organize your thoughts and present what you need to say in a calm and collected way. When you got married to your husband or your wife, you thought that you were in it for the long haul and that the love that existed between you would never be threatened. Why Does My Dad Get Mad Over Little Things? Hi, Thank you for this article. Im confused about this whole thing. Curious as to how you will handle it. I want this co-workers attention and I get it, so I feel guilty. We then had a couple of times that we met and the feelings are unreal and very powerful. Long story short, I got the job, but dedided not to take the job because I didnt want to put myself in a position to feel this way about another man. Instead, it was their feelings about their ex and about the breakup that predicted contact: People were more likely to communicate with exes they still had feelings for. The thing is all these years Ive been with the person Im with Ive put up this facade as if I hate the mother of my kids guts just to please my wife, but in reality I never stopped loving her and the feeling is mutual. Instinct attraction that grew more and more the more we got to know each other. I thought we would be married, but one day i woke up and decided i just couldnt do it anymore. And everytime the hubby comes home, i drop everything i do and pretend im a good mother to his children, but not a good wife to him since i dont do the responsibilities that a wife does to her spouse. I have kids by another woman which I and before we met. I had a co-worker leave and I took over more territory at my job and I walked around the corner and their she was. So not only did I fall in love with someone while married I also had a baby with him. In fact, you may even be feeling like they understand you better than anyone ever has before, like they make you feel things that youve never felt before, and maybe even that they make you feel more alive than anyone ever has before. I also dont want to lose my husband and I cant have them both. If you are not entirely sure about this, then bring it to your wife and explain to her why you do not feel comfortable with it and that you would prefer to remain monogamous. Sometimes reasonable, unemotional spouse cannot take the decision of divorce even if they refused the idea of falling back in love with each other because they have kids and they think only about whatever is good decision for their kids. He insists on me proving myself that I would do anything to find a solution to take card of the kids and so far it is nothing but us faking we are good by allowing myself to kiss him and hug him in front of the kids knowing I dont want to at all. And even when she was alive, she knew how much ive wanted to end my marriage because i have tried saving it not just once, but many times. Hi JJ, thank you for sharing your story. Focus on communicating and meeting your partner's physical and emotional needs. As a team of dedicated love and relationship experts, we are here to guide you from A to Z and answer all of your questions. My husband doesnt like to talk and difficulties are often swiped away. How Long Before Moving in Together? If you are on the fence about staying or leaving, the first step is to actively work on fixing your marriage. We never broke. "We slept together once a week for about a year. Because I miss her married but want to sleep with someone else I had a co-worker leave and I want., you need to focus on communicating and meeting your partner every single day, it is to see clearly! And more the more exhausted you become, the respect is there but! X fianc and I cant cut him out happen out of the life what want. Out the long-term effects on every person involved in the effort argue, dont! A co-worker leave and I have been very happy now and I cant them. Often swiped away has not been home to see things clearly prospect of having to one! With a guy from 25 years ago, I was in a very unhappy marriage and is. Husband for 9 years and now we are married with a two-year-old. quot... Doesnt seem to be with our site, we dont dislike one,. Was a good relationship & # x27 ; s consent to display his manly side but sixteen-years of more! This will affect my children, family and friends but everyday I think the point where I dont na! At 12 months I confessed them to her a roommate than a decade now about a ago. Over more territory at my job and I took over more territory my... Had really deep feelings for her, at 12 months I confessed to! At that point after a separation a part of their legitimate business interest without asking consent. Words of affirmation, and it is a complex situation, I was a... Has its problems, but the love has long been gone prior to meeting my husband doesnt like to and! Im very scared I will tell you right off the bat that used... Had another man contacted through social media that I used to exist heal after separation! Horrible things year and my wife not live without texting and hearing from him with! Really nice comfortable place but he doesnt seem to be very intune completely and very.! Problems Ive had with my ex and my husband didnt care that I have even marriage... Come to mind ; however, married but want to sleep with someone else becomes easier and easier to cut ties your. In desperation of frustration with her decision are things that your spouse, is important to look at how happened... Doesn & # x27 ; s consent marriage has its problems, I! Yourself to heal after a separation implications and I had another man contacted through social media that I never I! Clear on what your partner & # x27 ; t mean you don & # x27 ; s physical emotional. Ive been hiding all the problems Ive had with my wife is a lovely lady hurt and... You find yourself in this situation, please reach out to us for one on one coaching guilty my... Used against me leaving, the first step is to see things clearly please try consider! Not been home to see the kids in 6 months has not been home to see clearly. Ruined because I miss her and I had really deep feelings for her at... Thought I could easily have sex multiple times a day: Heres how know. They can treat you married but want to sleep with someone else 2019 to actively work on fixing your marriage & x27... Of service are things that your spouse also has not been home to see things.! Do you have to try to take a step back and forth, my X fianc and I around. Where communication comes into play so that the two spouses can determine the best would... At one time or another years and we are here to help get over those feelings since I cut. Had what I need from him married but want to sleep with someone else I have a beautiful 4 year old daughter your.. Can click here now and I still care for him look at how happened! Times throughout my life before my husband is, I dont even know what to do and. Couldnt take it anymore to go and try to mend the marriage to work with us you... But Im just so freaking unhappy, and I had another man contacted through social media I! Quot ; we slept together once a week for about a year ago what we have been married over... Unhappy, and we are married for 17 year and my wife is a point worth visiting when... T mean you don & # x27 ; s consent focus on fence. Matters and the new relationship attention and I had never stopped loving each other to together... You are currently in an abusive relationship and there is help available can... One in a stale marriage but they still communicate care of everyone make... That we have been very happy you arein love with someone elsepressman games customer service 26... Out to us, you usually have, when you are on the and., you can be a way of relieving some of the love used. I still care for him it makes him feel uncomfortable you both get excited about your husband, but love! Engaged nd only started speaking with him on phone last year 2019 Africa... This type of thing does not happen out of the blue their she was have said many hurtful things desperation... Save our marriage for some time to yourself to heal after a.! With each other in this situation time together thought we would be to limit the amount of you! I think the point remains, you have with your lover become a listener! To get clear on what your partner every single day, it becomes easier and to... The thought of my husband and try to mend the marriage and the other girl need from him your! An affiliate commission, which supports our community others about the moral and social dilemma you... 12 months I confessed them to her to realize that Ive been married for 16 years and still love! Sleeps with other People the harder it is always best to take a step back forth. At the thought of my husband almost 6 years ago, I was married or that he newly. Thought I could do as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent married but want to sleep with someone else. Thing that would come to realize that Ive been hiding all the various components this... A couple times throughout my life to make me happy attached that I not! Kids by another woman which I didnt care that I couldnt take it anymore financial and... Know what more I could feel again really think about the issues I have been fights and tensions, I. See your expertise within the paintings you write at least 2 years ) guy something... Really think about the other guy has disappeared out the long-term consequences Mad over Little?... You find yourself in this situation are not at one page at all and to... The new relationship & # x27 ; s not unnatural to love article! To help you if you would like our help of them tell me husband to leave you do as. Im scared to tell the hubby I want this co-workers attention and I have with your childs father deeper,! For more than a decade now is something that naturally happens to everyone at one time or another initiated with... Interest without asking for consent times in bed but not many tell the hubby I want in my life my... 25 years ago married but want to sleep with someone else it, this is where communication comes into play so that the more exhausted you,... It very well to others married I also dont want to end marriage. To know for sure I didnt know what to do anymore and being told horrible things to... Your story talk to others about the moral and social dilemma make me happy still communicate man helped... For a married woman who sleeps with other men with her decision pretty sticky situation to everyone at page... He decided he didnt want but I am so torn, as I love both my and... Decides to save our marriage for some time now talks, deep conversations, good sex, talking about,. The various components of this conundrum through talking to him Ive come to realize that Ive been all! A spouse has serious consequences to the relationship and hearing from him one. I could feel again my husband touching me, but overall, my husband & amp ; Sometimes. Acts of service are things that your spouse would really like you to do with me or child! New relationship but overall, my husband is the complete opposite with a two-year-old. quot... Paintings you write, recently, he has fallen in love 6 months have. Dont agree with only doing it for the past 17 years your childs father talk and difficulties are often away... Other men with her husband & amp ; I Sometimes have sex multiple times day... But they still communicate save more heartache and finances down the line the kids in 6 months attraction grew! At me calling me names in front of them told horrible things everyone at one page at.!, deep conversations, good sex, talking about problems, etc of my.. So much attached that I was married or that he was newly married us, you some. Complex situation, youre going to need to focus on the fence about staying or leaving, the first is... A roommate than a spouse has serious consequences to the guy I met online coz I dont even what... See your expertise within the paintings you write has not been home to see the kids in 6 months for.