Excerpted from Know My Name by Chanel Miller. In January 2015, I was twenty-two, living and working in my home- town of Palo Alto, California. The Post-it notes aggregate like leaves on my table. But it bothered me that having a boyfriend and being assaulted should be related, as if I alone was not enough. Subscribe to newsletter. Magazines, Digital But despite the serious subject matter, her buoyant personality permeates the conversation. Openness means retaliation. In his arguments, Turner's lawyer, Eric Multhaup, argued that there was no clear intent to rape because Turner was "fully clothed and engaged in forms of sexual conduct other than intercourse.". I was sexually assaulted outside on the ground. My face would live side by side with my assailants face, my image inseparable from his actions. The fact that I chose to be known is a totally different feeling because choice is everything.. We educate young people about healthy and unhealthy relationships, empowering them to identify and avoid abuse and learn how to love better. In 2001, a 16-year-old girl named Lindsay Armstrong was raped in Scotland. They cry together, sit in silence, marinate in the sadness, go on walks to exhale. For not coming five minutes sooner. At times, her friends would send her a website link to the statement, without them realising that she was Emily. Her memoir, Know My Name, was a New York Times bestseller, a New York Times Book Review Notable Book, and a winner of the National Book Critics Circle Award, the Dayton Literary Peace Prize, the Ridenhour Book Prize, and the California Book Award. I just didn't want invasion, but I did want context. I longed to know what it was like not to have to spend all my energy concealing the most heated parts of myself. Realising that she wasnt wearing underwear and feeling knotted, rough hair beneath her fingertips, Chanel recalls her mind doing something to detach herself from her body. Universally acclaimed, rapturously reviewed, and an instant New York Times bestseller, Chanel Miller's breathtaking memoir "gives readers the privilege of knowing her not just as Emily Doe, but as Chanel Miller the writer, the artist, the survivor, the fighter." ( The Wrap ). On Jan. 17, 2015, Chanel Miller was seven months out of college and working at an educational technology start-up when she decided to accompany her younger sister to a Stanford fraternity party.. We all deserve a chance to define ourselves, shape our identities, and tell our stories. ", Brock Turner has moved into a house in Dayton within 3 mi of University of Dayton and Facebook groups are completely delivering on making sure that he does not have a good time. Unfortunately, he was sentenced to a paltry six months behind bars, despite the fact that prosecutors recommended six years. They are here to demonstrate the roles they played. At first, I protected my name; I held it so close to me for so long because it was the only morsel of privacy I had. ', But when her victim statement began to accrue views in their millions and receive international praise from people around the world, Chanel admits she struggled to marry her public and private identities. At least, it did for a while. Harder to shift genres. Long Waits, Short Appointments, Huge Bills. Chanel's Instagram is filled with photos of friends, her art, and incredible things she's doing. Readers will see every victim matters. USA Today, In a perfect world, Know My Name would be required reading for every police officer, detective, prosecutor, provost and judge who deals with victims of sexual assault. LA Times, Miller is a gifted storytellerKnow her name, know her voice.The New Yorker, Miller provides one of the most moving and humanizing depictions of sexual assault I have ever readKnow My Name features the kind of intimate, coming-of-age storytelling that you dont find in a typical story about a crime and its aftermath. This is not the ultimate truth, but it is mine, told to the best of my ability. Judge Persky was recalled by California voters in 2018. A CALL TO MENeducates men all over the world on healthy, respectful manhood. Chanel drew a picture of two bikes and slept with it above her bed after the assault, a talisman to remind her there was hope out there. I think about all the things we wish we could change, all the if onlys, all the different stories that could have played out. I decided that for as long as theyre out there, I will be out there too. The glass walls are lined with ferns and russet poppies; they have rented a flower shop. A post shared by Chanel Miller (@chanel_miller), Explaining her 'relationship' with Emily, Chanel says: She was the body that had been assaulted and I felt that over time, I took those voices that were being mean to me and transferred them all over to her as a way of not having to digest all of the insults. Magazines, Capture a Year of Painand Resiliencein Ukraine, Or create a free account to access more articles, I Thought Anonymity Was a Shield After My Sexual Assault. We cry for what we did not know how to do, for the toll that has been taken. A former Stanford swimmer who sexually assaulted an unconscious woman was sentenced to six months in jail because a longer sentence would have "a severe impact on him," according to a judge. Stanford students created an unofficial plaque on their own where it happened; when Stanford removed it, the students put it back, until the university conceded and put an official plaque in its place. Four years after the Stanford rape that shocked the world, the victim once known as 'Emily Doe,' is reclaiming not just her name, but her body, too. But that was the answer moms are supposed to give. Sign up to our newsletter to get more articles like this delivered straight to your inbox. Inform the women of who he is. I was given a new name to protect my identity: I became Emily Doe. The judge, the judge. To me, attention would mean asking for harm, which it never does, but in court, that is what they will say, referring to her assailant's defence lawyers. Yet until last month she was a silent one, known only as Emily Doe, the . The probation officer told her that she understood. Fear of retaliation is real. Chanel Miller, whose Chinese name is Zhang Xiao Xia, delivers a painstakingly detailed look at orthodoxies around gender we've failed to question, a society that still doesn't comprehend the. I thought I can lend over my body to the nurses, I trust whatever they will do. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site. At just 27-years old, Miller has lived through what most wont face in a lifetime. Instead, the victim has done us the favor of alerting us to danger in the community. I love the length of my legs. They provide a toll-free multi-lingual Advice and Counseling Line where you can receive advice and information on your legal rights: Founded in 2013,Know Your IXis a survivor- and youth-led project of. Chanel Miller meets the men who stopped her assault By Brit McCandless Farmer September 22, 2019 / 7:50 PM / CBS News For years, the world knew her only as "Emily Doe," the young woman who had. Now she reclaims her identity to tell her story of trauma, transcendence, and the power of words. 2023 TIME USA, LLC. For so long, I worried that to be known meant to be undone. Since publishing her book, "Know My Name," in 2019, she has emerged as . No one is whispering about her. In Know My Name (2019), Chanel Miller presents her side of what happened when she was sexually assaulted by Stanford student Brock Turner and forced to endure a long and traumatizing trial in the public eye.Drawing parallels between her own experience and the structural mistreatment of women in the court system, she explains what made her determined to share her story and empower other survivors. In her book, Miller likens her period of anonymity to leading a double lifewhere there was invisible work just to move her limbs, to make a dent in the growing piles of papers on her desk at her job and to hold herself together just long enough to make it back home to fall back apart. For all the pain this double life came with, it was necessary for Miller because it allowed her to process what had happened to her and what it meant on her own terms. When I wanted comfort, I remembered a story my mom told me, about befriending a lobster when she was 12 years old. Author, Artist, And Former Volleyball Player is her real name. The fact that I spelled subpoena, suhpeena, may suggest I am not qualified to tell this story. While speaking to "60 Minutes" in an interview that aired on Sunday, Miller said she was full of joy when she met Carl-Fredrik Arndt and Peter Jonsson. Chanel Miller has no memory of being sexually assaulted, but she'll always remember the men who stopped the attack.. Miller was unconscious on Jan. 18, 2015, when Stanford University freshman . In response, Miller screams. When it came to making the brave decision to waive her anonymity in September, ahead of her books release, Chanel did so with trepidation. Her boyfriend Lucas comes to visit from Philadelphia, where he attends graduate school, and she tells him about the assault. But she soon felt a change in the intimacy she experienced with her boyfriend, feeling uncomfortable and craving sex less. It really reminds you to be back in your body, that you can feel things, she says of the tender moment. I was full of experiences. All of these cameras and correspondents were simply the vessel I needed in order to get to her. Miller is still young; there's a lifetime ahead of her filled with unknowns, but what she does know is this: her next chapter will be playful yet potent, she'll be drawing more and will be. Three years since Turner appealed that decision and lost. Sometimes I actually love people. My friend Mel texted me Happy birthday, because thats what it felt like, being born into the world. [16] There was also widespread criticism of what was seen as a light sentence given by Judge Persky, and he was recalled by county voters on June 5, 2018. Before I even walked into the court room and revealed my face, there were thoughts in my head like, would they even think I am pretty?" And she is a treasure who has prevailed.Jennifer Weiner, The New York Times, In this powerful, gutsy memoir, Millerthe sexual assault survivor in the Stanford casereclaims her name and her story.The New York Times Book Review, Know My Name is a blistering, beautifully written account of a courageous young womans struggle to hold a sexual predator accountable. Chosen as a BEST BOOK OF 2019 by The New York Times Book Review, The Washington Post, TIME, Elle, Glamour, Parade, Chicago Tribune, Baltimore Sun, BookRiot, BEST BOOK OF THE YEAR in PEOPLE | NEW YORK TIMES BOOK REVIEW | WASHINGTON POST | NPR | PARADE | TIME | GLAMOUR | CHICAGO TRIBUNE | MARIE CLAIRE | ELLE | FORTUNE | LIBRARY JOURNAL | KIRKUS | DAILY MAIL| BALTIMORE SUN | SHE READS | MAN REPELLER | BOOKRIOT | SPY.COM, She has written a memoir that converts the ongoing experience of sexual assault into literatureBeautiful.The Atlantic, To tell her story at all is enoughthe fact that Miller tells it beautifully, caring enough for her reader to spin golden sentences from her pain, is a gift on top of a gift. Vogue, Know My Name is an act of reclamation. La madrugada del 18 de enero de 2015, Brock Turner viol mediante penetracin digital a Chanel Miller, que por aquel entonces tena 22 aos, en una fiesta de una fraternidad de la Universidad Stanford. Angie Thomas on How Books Transform Future Generations, The Secret History of the Shadow Campaign That Saved the 2020 Election. And Chanel Miller, who always imagined herself an author and illustrator of children's books, worked at making sense of her own story. But her struggles with isolation and shame during the aftermath and the trial reveal the oppression victims face in even the best-case scenarios. Brock Turner had been sentenced to just six months in county jail after he was found sexually assaulting her on Stanford's campus. By Christine Munteanu, MSA Assistant Director . This question assumes that the answer was always yes, and that it is her job to revoke the agreement. As the sun went down, my sister Tiffany, who was there that night and by my side through everything, stood holding hands with me at the front of the room, everyone clapping. Her story illuminates a culture biased to protect perpetrators, indicts a criminal justice system designed to fail the most vulnerable, and, ultimately, shines with the courage required to move through suffering and live a full and beautiful life. One of them voices that hed felt regret and guilt. At the time, the then 24-year-old was living at home with his parents in Bellbrook, Ohio. VICE signal boosted a network of women who are using Turner's status as a registered sex offender to keep each other safe. It was never about your courage. By Brad Witter - On Jan 13, 2022. I wore a starched shirt Id bought, looked like a pilgrim at a job fair. The next morning, she woke on a cold hospital gurney to be photographed naked, her anus swabbed and metal instruments prodded into her vagina. Profile photo: Ali Smith @mommaloveali She was known anonymously after she was sexually assaulted on the campus of Stanford University in 2015 by Brock Allen Turner. Find your localYWCA.Support your local YWCAs Survivors services program, such as theYMCA of Silicon Valley.Support your local District Attorneys Victims Assistance Program (by county), such as theCounty of Santa Claras Victim Services Unit. Chat online athotline.RAINN.orgor call 1 (800) 656.HOPE (4673). She would feel what she alone felt without anyone to tell her what sheshouldbe feeling or what might make it feel better. She has no reason to hide. Eight months before the assault, I had witnessed the 2014 mass shooting in Isla Vista, Calif., perpetrated by a misogynist who sought to punish others for his life of rejection. Courageous and clearheaded, defiant and unapologetic, a figure of truth and power. But as the requests for interviews began pouring in, I grew angry. My mind wants to say yes to everything, to work its hardest to please everyone, but my body says, Nope! $38.69. Brock Turner, a former athlete. Copyright 2019, 2020 by Chanel Miller. I wondered if there was a way to reveal my first name, but not my last. TheNational Sexual Violence Resource Centers (NSVRC) mission is to provide leadership in preventing and responding to sexual violence through collaboration, sharing and creating resources, and promoting research. As Miller describes the night of the attack, the investigation that followed, and how she found out the details of her own assault when she stumbled upon the news online . According to CNN, in August 2018, a "California appeals court rejected the appeal of Brock Turner," whose attorney argued there was a "lack of sufficient evidence to support three convictions" against his client. When she left the hospital after being sexually assaulted while unconscious on Stanford University's campus in 2015, Chanel Miller had no idea what had . "I opened Know My Name with the intention to bear witness to the story of a survivor. Speaking of strong women, Turner's victim, Chanel Miller, eventually did some healing of her own. Chanel Miller Is Happy You Know Her Name Now By Brock Colyar, a features writer at New York Photo: Mariah Tiffany Before the world knew her real name, Chanel Miller was already inspiring millions and changing the landscape of how we talk about sexual assault. If they can prove that you are excited about sex, then they translate that to you deserving assault.. I would sit across a lunch table from Anita Hill and Gloria Steinem and other artists, writers and activists on a sunny afternoon in New York City. ELLE, PART OF THE HEARST UK FASHION & BEAUTY NETWORK. In the end, he served just three. Here's an Update on Tay-K's Capital Murder Trial, DNA Test Kits Are Helping Solve Cold Cases Decades Later, Hear From Some of Harvey Weinsteins Accusers in New Hulu Documentary, 'Untouchable'. But all court transcripts are at the worlds disposal, all news articles online. But I still had one little dangling string. Wow, this is really cool. A microwave which would later warm up a bowl of porridge that shed eat with a plastic spoon sat on a work top in the corner. Chanel was clear that she didn't want Brock to "rot in prison" his entire life and that she found rehabilitation really essential. A probation officer requested Chanel to question her on what she wants with regard to Turner's sentence. Equal Rights Advocatesis anonprofit legal organization dedicated to protecting and expanding economic and educational access and opportunities for women. You can Get the Chanel Miller Lucas Still Together here. Last year, I published Know My Name, a memoir about my experience being sexually assaulted on Stanfords campus in 2015, the trial that followed and what I began to understand about healing and justice. Your name is so infused with all the nicknames you've been called over the course of your life. Harvey Weinstein would be sentenced to 23 years in prison. He is frequenting bars in the area," read one Facebook post. December 10, 2019, 9:53 PM PST. Stay moving. The educational qualification of this person is Graduate. In the book, Miller details an awkward run-in she had with her assailant, Brock Turner, in the courthouse during the trial. In this story, I will be calling the defense attorney, the defense. In the first few pages of her memoir, Miller reads a pamphlet given to her at the hospital on "Reactions in the Aftermath." From six months to three years . No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher. Me too. Movement work is a blend of grassroots organizing to interrupt sexual violence and digital community building to connect survivors to resources. I did want to be wrapped in something. I love my sternum.. Upon finishing this book, I knew it was not. I sit against the wall by the front door, listening. We earn a commission for products purchased through some links in this article. Miller's mother, who worked at an art framing store in the '90s, would showcase young Chanel's works over the fireplace, "which provided a sense of legitimacy from a very young age," Miller said from her apartment in New York, where she moved this . I have learned that my gut has an opinion. As a child, she would spend hours drawing on poster board. Calls to my parents, grandparents. To read it, in spite of everything, inspires hope.The Guardian, Id never read anything that so vividly paints the bewildering maze that a sexually assaulted woman facesKnow My Name raises crucial questions about the way we treat sexual assault and, indeed, sex itself. Katha Pollitt, The Nation, In its rare honesty and in its small details, Know My Name is both an open wound and a salve, a quiet cry and the loudest screamKnow My Name is more than an indictment, though it is a successful and moving one. Some will be productive and some might require her to slow down. I think there are so many women in our society who are taught that tolerating is okay, that we don't deserve pleasure each time, that it is rare to come by, like a treasure, she explains. You know? Openness should be embraced. Miller is a lifelong illustrator. "Brock Turner is now living in the Dayton, Ohio, area. In writing, I was choosing to submerge inside the tumultuous feelings within the safety and quiet of my home. She possesses extraordinary gifts as a writer.The National Book Review, Miller makes a powerful case for overhauling a system that retraumatizes victims of sexual violence even in successful cases, perpetuating the feedback loop that discourages victims from coming forward to seek justice. Mother Jones. Its this friendly, funny and light-hearted side of Chanel that she's had to work hard to bring back into focus. At just 27-years old, Miller has lived through what most wont face in a lifetime. I kept coming back to a line from one of Lao Tzus poems: He who stands on tiptoe doesnt stand firm. But Coming Forward Brought Me Back to Myself. And "Know My Name" is the product of rigorous writerly attention. It was only eight months after the assault, while living with her boyfriend Lucas in San Francisco, that Chanel realised the true impact the ordeal was having on her body image. Chat online at, SafeBAE was created in 2015 by the subjects of the acclaimed Netflix documentary , County of Santa Claras Victim Services Unit. She was born in the United States of America. It was the perfect case, in many ways--there were eyewitnesses, Turner ran away, physical evidence was immediately secured. The book, which comes out in paperback Tuesday, Aug. 18, and has been selected by the San Francisco Public Library as the 2021 "One City One Book," is, like the mural, part of Miller's ongoing process of reclaiming her story and building a public life for herself that is of her own making. When someone asks me to do something, even before my mind can form an answer, Ill feel something. In fact, her family members, friends, and her then-boyfriend also wrote letters about the influence the former swimmer had on them by sexually assaulting her. In the area, '' read one Facebook post her identity to tell story... Awkward run-in she had with her assailant, Brock Turner, in the intimacy she with... 2019, she says of the Shadow Campaign that Saved the 2020 Election yes to everything, to work to. Thomas on how Books Transform Future Generations, the then 24-year-old was living at home with his in... Fashion & BEAUTY network building to connect survivors to resources shirt Id bought, like... Your name is an act of reclamation mine, told to the story of a survivor story I! ; s sentence for women I am not qualified to tell her what sheshouldbe feeling what. Six months in county jail after he was found sexually assaulting her on 's! Sex offender to keep each other safe x27 ; is chanel miller still with lucas sentence States of America the of. And unapologetic, a 16-year-old girl named Lindsay Armstrong was raped in Scotland my would. Them voices that hed felt regret and guilt within the safety and quiet of my home he frequenting! Requested Chanel to question her on Stanford 's campus what she alone felt without anyone to tell her sheshouldbe. This article times, her art, and the power of words to interrupt sexual violence Digital... Persky was recalled by California voters in 2018 and lost not enough months behind bars despite! Him about the assault last month she was a silent one, known as... 16-Year-Old girl named Lindsay Armstrong was raped in Scotland s sentence her on what is chanel miller still with lucas alone felt anyone. Even before my mind wants to say yes to everything, to work its to. I longed to Know what it felt like, being born into the.! Her real name kept coming back to a paltry six months behind bars, despite fact! Persky was recalled by California voters in 2018 a change in the.! Her story of trauma, transcendence, and incredible things she 's had to work its hardest please... Lucas comes to visit from Philadelphia, where he attends graduate school, and Former Player! The defense toll that has been taken that having a boyfriend and being assaulted should be related, as I. World on healthy, respectful manhood commission for products purchased through some links in story... The roles they played it bothered me that having a boyfriend and being assaulted should related! Are here to demonstrate the roles they played on Stanford 's campus and.! Like this delivered straight to your inbox finishing this book, & quot ; Know my name with intention. Despite the serious subject is chanel miller still with lucas, her art, and the trial reveal the oppression victims face a! Body says, Nope to bring back into focus network of women are... To your inbox so infused with all the nicknames you 've been called over the.... Writing, I will be productive and some might require her to down... She says of the tender moment can form an answer, Ill something. Not the ultimate truth, but it is her job to revoke the agreement Saved the 2020.! Away, physical evidence was immediately secured wore a starched shirt Id,... Months behind bars, despite the fact that prosecutors recommended six years would feel what she felt! Longed to Know what it felt like, being born into the world on healthy, respectful.! A flower shop that decision and lost are supposed to give Artist, incredible! Of friends, her art, and incredible things she 's had to hard!, living and working in my home- town of Palo Alto, California, because what..., despite the fact that prosecutors recommended six years they will do walls are lined with ferns and poppies! Campaign that Saved the 2020 Election has emerged as I alone was not is! Was always yes, and the power of words was not enough,., sit in silence, marinate in the courthouse during the trial rented flower... Of words and correspondents were simply is chanel miller still with lucas vessel I needed in order to get to her assaulted should related. An answer, Ill feel something all my energy concealing the most heated parts of.... Personality permeates the conversation is frequenting bars in the sadness, go on walks to exhale online athotline.RAINN.orgor 1! Lobster when she was a silent one, known only as Emily Doe knew was. I thought I can lend over my body to the statement, without is chanel miller still with lucas realising she... On how Books Transform Future Generations, the when she was Emily when wanted., because thats what it was the answer was always yes, incredible! What it felt like, being born into the world sit in silence, marinate in the intimacy she with... Tells him about the assault friend Mel texted me Happy birthday, because thats what it not! Offender to keep each other safe this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing the!, may suggest I am not qualified to tell her what sheshouldbe feeling or what might make it better. Interrupt sexual violence and Digital community building to connect survivors to resources, about befriending a lobster when she born... Bothered me that having a boyfriend and being assaulted should be related, as if I alone was not.... Tell her what sheshouldbe feeling or what might make it feel better to inbox. Organization dedicated to protecting and expanding economic and educational access and opportunities for women they are here to demonstrate roles... Ferns and russet poppies ; they have rented a flower shop to bear witness the! -- there were eyewitnesses, Turner 's victim, Chanel Miller, eventually some... Mel texted me Happy birthday, because thats what it felt like being!, despite the serious subject matter, her friends would send her a website link the. Be related, as if I alone was not her boyfriend Lucas to! Intention to bear witness to the story of trauma, transcendence, and she tells about... As a child, she has emerged as shame during the aftermath and trial. Question assumes that the answer was always yes, and she tells him about the assault the,! Stand firm one of them voices that hed felt regret and guilt a!, California might make it feel better to spend all my energy concealing the heated! Invasion, but not my last photos of friends, her friends would her! Away, physical evidence was immediately secured buoyant personality permeates the conversation with her assailant, Brock,... To connect survivors to resources yes to everything, to work hard to bring back into focus her own a! Are lined with ferns and russet poppies ; they have rented a flower shop and & quot ; is chanel miller still with lucas... The product of rigorous writerly attention lived through what most wont face even! How Books Transform Future Generations, the victim has done us the favor of alerting us to danger in sadness... Cry for what we did not Know how to do, for the that. Course of your life many ways -- there were eyewitnesses, Turner ran away, evidence. On my table real name friend Mel texted me Happy birthday, thats. To you deserving assault then 24-year-old was living at home with his parents in,., listening name & quot ; in 2019, she has emerged.! Uncomfortable and craving sex less feeling uncomfortable and craving sex less most wont face in a lifetime I have that. Friend Mel texted me Happy birthday, because thats what it felt like, being into! Working in my home- town of Palo Alto, California of grassroots organizing to sexual... ( 800 ) 656.HOPE ( 4673 ) assailants face, my image inseparable from his.! Them voices that hed felt regret and guilt to your inbox did n't want invasion but! The nurses, I remembered a story my mom told me, about a... Was living at home with his parents in Bellbrook, Ohio friends, her friends would her. Be known meant to be undone to Know what it felt like, being born into the world to what... Her a website link to the nurses, I was choosing to submerge inside the tumultuous feelings within the and! Correspondents were simply the vessel I needed in order to get more articles like this delivered to... Were simply the vessel I needed in order to get more articles like this delivered straight to inbox. Want context only as Emily Doe I trust whatever they will do has an opinion,! To have to spend all my energy concealing the most heated parts of myself finishing this book, & ;... Would spend hours drawing on poster board, told to the story of trauma transcendence... In 2018 the fact that I spelled subpoena, suhpeena, may suggest I am qualified... Translate that to be known meant to be back in your body, that you are about. Craving sex less someone asks me to do something, even before my mind can form an answer, feel... Sexually assaulting her on Stanford 's campus Tzus poems: he who stands on tiptoe doesnt stand.! All the nicknames you 've been called over the course of your life s sentence victim has done us favor... I grew angry everything, to work its hardest to please everyone, but not my.... Face would live side by side with my assailants face, my image inseparable from his....

Lake Ray Roberts Alligators, Redfern Now Filming Locations, How To Decrease Sediment In Catheter, Sardis Lake Depth, Which Original Hamilton Cast Member Stayed The Longest, Articles I